Another day for him

Going into the hospital tommorow for surgery on my AAA no not car insurance an anurism in my aorta. IF nothing is done it will eventually burst killing me. Kind of like knowing for certain it will be a heart attack rather than cancer or some other thing that will be the end of me. staring into my own mortality while it maybe old hat for some it has had the effect of sobering me up to a few facts: I am 52 years old and have not made much of my life, I have produced some really great kids they being the exception to the last statement and unless the unlikely happens, like living untill I am 104 more than half my life journey is over. Gee what a fun day this it turning out to be.

Things will get better.
I have heard that all my life. My father used to say "this too will pass" While I am sure that is true what he failed to mention was the speed at which it would come to pass. The words molassas in January really come to mind. I find myself at this stage of life working a job I am too wild at making less money than I have in the last ten years and working a shift that I am pretty sure is killing me slowly. And the sad part of all this is that I am pretty sure I deserve all the crap that I am getting. The TV show My Name is Earl comes to mind. While I cannot profess to have lived as checkered past as Earl has done in the TV show I am pretty sure that while not doing a lot that was illegal I was for sure not Moral in all my dealings. Maybe it is true that one simply reaps what they sow

Pretty sure it won't mean a thing

1/2/09 Just another day in paradise? YEAH You could say that. There is a bit or sarcasm inherent in it however. In all of my 52 years I have never found myself to be less enguaged in everyday life than I am now. The only anchor that I have is my 12 year old daughter. I am so glad that she is here because if she was not I would not be either